How to Get an Agent 101

So you've written the best book that you can write. Your story is original, polished, and no matter what you do (short of dipping it in liquid gold), you feel you can't possibly improve your manuscript in any way. Surely, you think, the publishers won't be able to resist it!

But hold on a minute there, minion. Don't submit to publishers just yet. You need a literary agent. There are some who bawk at this and pound their chests, screaming, "But you don't NEED an agent! They'll just take 15% of your money!" And to them I say phooey. An agent can open doors for you that you couldn't even get close to before. An agent has contacts and knowledge that can make (and even improve) a sale. They give you a much-needed shoulder, a sounding board, their wisdom of contracts and publishing, their advice on what works and what doesn't in writing, and more. It's certainly not easy to get published once you have an agent, but it might just be a tad easier than without. And 15% of nothing is nothing, so what are you worried about?

So, what's the first thing you should do? The answer is "DON'T contact an agent yet." First you need to do your homework.

First off, what makes a reputable agent reputable? Well, good agents don't charge upfront fees. At all. A good agent only gets any money after they've sold your stuff. Yes, that means they sign you with nothing but a hope and a prayer. But it also means that you have someone who really believes in your potential. Remember: money always flows to the author. A good agent has contacts in the publishing world, established clients (yes, there are plenty of fledging agents out there that I'm sure are terrific people, but I want someone with the numbers to back him up), and a good understanding of the market.

Where do you find such a wonderful person? All around you. Great agents aren't just in New York anymore (but the majority are). I found Agent Query to be enormously helpful. Many people turn to the Writer's Market and Jeff Herman's Guide with excellent results. The key is to search for agents that are interested in your genre--ones that have a solid track record--and make a list. Preferably a long list.

When you have a list that you're happy with, put them in order of who you'd like to represent you. You'll be querying a whole bunch at the same time, but it helps to have a handy check-off list for when those rejection letters come in (and they will...trust me). Got your well-researched list? Okay, time to query.

What are you doing?! Close that e-mail box right this minute, mister!! First, you need to find out how to write a query letter. Then you need to write it, polish it, show it to your writer friends, sob on it, reconstruct it, and research whether the agents you're querying prefer e-queries or snail mail queries. I won't get into how to write a query letter in this post--we'll save that for another day. But suffice it to say that you should use plain, white paper, Times New (or Courier, if you must), and never, ever start with "Dear Bill". Always use "Dear Mr. Bill". Got it? Good. It's querying time.

WAIT!!! Double check everything.

Okay, now it's time to query.

You'll get rejected. It'll hurt. You may cry. You may not. But the key is to remain professional at all times. Don't respond and ask why they didn't like it. Don't beg. If you must respond, a simple "thank you for taking a look" is enough. And whatever you do, don't threaten, insult, or give them a "you'll be sorry" line. Agents are not evil. They just know what they like. And what they don't like.

They may all say no (and in that case it's time to either redo your manuscript or move on to the next). If you're lucky, one or two or eight may offer representation. If it's one (and you did your homework initially) then this should be a no-brainer. If it's more than one...well, then it comes down to a gut feeling. Talk on the phone, feel it out. And then get on your knees and thank the Universe or what-have-you, because getting more than one offer doesn't happen to everyone.

How do you get an agent? Be kind. Be professional. Be yourself. And follow their guidelines. Don't give them a reason to reject you. And (first and foremost) DO YOUR HOMEWORK.

Welcome to the Black Parade

Time for some good news/bad news, minions. Bad news first: BEYOND THE LOOKING GLASS is being shelved for a good long time, maybe forever. My fabulous agent and I agree that a little book called THE LOOKING GLASS WARS might make me look like a wannabe and make for a tough sale, so *sob* no Wonderland for me right now. It's okay--I'll get over it. (Actually, I'm almost over it already--it's just a bummer)

Good news: I have the perfect song to head up the soundtrack to DEVON'S PLAYGROUND! Okay, so maybe this isn't good news for you, but the right music really helps the words flow for me. Plus...I just love My Chemical Romance.

More good news: DEVON'S PLAYGROUND is going fabulously and, with any luck, we'll go on submission with it soon. (SQUEE!) But if that's ever going to happen, I need to work. (I promise agent finding tips are coming soon!)

Eyeballs and Agents

My right eyeball hurts right now--chalk it up to being Monday, I suppose. Still...weird.

Anyhoo, what's going on in the life of your soon-to-be-favorite (I hope) author? Well, after a wonderful weekend visit with my sister and her family, I'm settling down to work on the chapter outline for DEVON'S PLAYGROUND. Earlier this weekend, after an incredible read of some of my Critique Partner's new stuff (she's brilliant...seriously), my CP read DP (oooh...it rhymes!) and gave me her happy (well, creeped out...which is good) blessing. So now I'm pretty positive that I know what I'm doing, and that my fabulous agent will love it.

Vlad has busied himself with his own blog, of sorts. So if you're looking to get to know him better and want to truly understand how the lack of O Positive in the fridge can make a guy angsty, then check out Vlad's Notebook. (And while you're wandering around my site, don't forget to ask me for free Minion Bling and enter the Bat to School contest!)

Later this week (for all you hopeful unagented writers out there) we'll go over some basics. Namely, how to get a reputable (and perhaps fabulous) agent.

But today, me and my throbbing eyeball are going to sit down with Stephen and Devon, and work on that chapter outline.

It's Banned Books Week!

Fangtastic News!!!

This is huge, minions. Just HUGE. Shelley Kay of Webcrafters Design has tweaked and turned and molded me a bee-yoo-tee-ful new website! It's even better than I'd hoped it would be, and chock full of good stuff that everyone will want to see (The garlic cracks me up! I don't know why...it just does.). Plus, my first contest is finally upon us!!!

So, like good little minions, you run off and tell everyone you know. But don't forget in your excitement to check out my newly revamped (Ha! Does that ever get old?) site and to enter the 'Bat to School' contest!

(And yes, feel free to copy and paste this everywhere you can think of)

Mopey Birthday To Me!

Mopey birthday to me...mopey birthday to me...

What? I'm goth. You expected it to be happy?

Your To-Do List For Today

1. If you haven't read the first chapter of EIGHTH GRADE BITES, go do that now.

2. If you haven't friended me on MySpace, go do that now too.

3. If you haven't noticed that banned books week is coming up (beginning Sept 23rd), then start making a list now of the banned books you'll be reading. (Yay, banned books!)

4. If you haven't requested Minion Bling from me (trust me, you'll like it, and yes, it's free), request it now.

5. If you haven't realized that tomorrow is my birthday and that I will be expecting lavish praise from the Minion Horde, make a note now.

and 6. If you haven't noticed how much I appreciate each and every one of you...then I'm not doing my job. You Minions rawk!

Arrrrrrrrrrr!

By th' way, minions, dasn't forget that today be talk like a buccanneer tide!

New Plan

Okay, minions, Auntie Heather's brain is on the verge of exploding, so let's back off that word count for a minor bit. Now that I know how DEVON'S PLAYGROUND ends (and it's a doozy!), I'm going to polish this first half until it shines before continuing forward. And considering that I've got 20,239 words total right now...I'm feeling pretty good about it.

Last night, completely unexpected, Vlad tapped me on the shoulder and whispered in my ear that he'd like to start talking about everything that happened to him in the tenth grade (translation for the newest minions: my favorite vampy protag is hinting I should write the third book in The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod, TENTH GRADE BLEEDS). I told him that now wasn't the best time, but he sulked (man, there is nothing worse than a sulking vampire), so I told him that I'll listen, but he'll have to wait until after the winter holidays for me to write any of it down, as after I finish DEVON'S PLAYGROUND, I have plans to return to my work on BEYOND THE LOOKING GLASS.

So, the corner of his mouth rose in a smirk, revealing one perfect white fang, and I caved. Big time. What he had to tell me was so important that I got out of bed this morning and hurried to make a note of it.

Darn it Vlad, leave me alone so I can finish telling Stephen and Devon's story.

And before you say anything, minions, I'm well aware that I'm arguing with somebody that I invented.

19,000 Words and Counting!

You are sooooo glad you're not at my house right now. Just trust me on this. I've jumped head-first into author hermitism. And worse, it's that grouchy, driven, more-evil-than-usual type of hermitism.

But it hasn't stopped me from having my doubts. Even though I'm damn near to the 50% finished point for DEVON'S PLAYGROUND, last night I just wanted to lay on the couch and think about what a crappy writer I am. I didn't (my family has this wonderfully obnoxious way of not letting me say such things about myself), but I was resigned to get in some woe-is-me time this morning. That is, until I read this post from Diana Peterfreund.

The best part? The part I needed to hear?
Suck it up and finish the damn book.

I wrote it on a purple Post-It. I'm looking at it right now. Thanks, Diana. Sometimes a little kick is enough. (Plus, it's funny, cuz I write about vampires and telling me to suck it up...well, it's just FUNNY. Erm, not that DP is about vampires at all, but still)

In other news, one of your fellow minions (Ewoh!) has corrupted his entire family for the sake of EIGHTH GRADE BITES, me, and Vlad. You see, minions? All I'm asking is that you drag everyone you know into the Minion Horde. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so.

Now, Ewoh is a very handsome man, and his wife is so pretty, but just look how completely adorable his lil girls are...how could they not be mini-minions?? Thanks, Ewoh. Onward, the Minion Horde!

The Lightbulb of Inspiration Returns!

This writing gig? A complete pain in the butt, sometimes. But there are moments that make it soooooo worthwhile. Like last night when I yelled, "OMG!!! I KNOW WHAT THIS BOOK IS ABOUT!!!" while I was working on DEVON'S PLAYGROUND (which, you'll notice, is over 13,000 words today--go me!) and had to put my shades on because the Lightbulb of Inspiration was glowly so brightly over my head. And like when I looked over at my bookshelf after emailing an EIGHTH GRADE BITES tidbit to my wonderful editor and thought, "WHOA! I'm soon going to have a real live book with a cover and pages and my NAME on it!" Good moments, both. Strange, but good.

It's a surreal thing to go through this process. I keep forgetting that an actual, physical book is coming. Sometimes it just feels like this intangible thing that we all talk about, but will never really happen. An actual book? Psshaw! Vlad is just a dream, isn't he? Just a really neat story that's floating around in my brain and it will never really come to fruition...will it? But yes. It will.

Freaky.

Even more freaky is the fact that I had an autograph request for the first time last week...and that I'm planning to write another solid 3,000 words today and every day until DEVON'S PLAYGROUND is finished.

But I may work in some time to convince myself I'm being published.

Agent Love & Minion Pic!

I (heart) my agent. Absolutely. He has my back. He has faith in me. Plus, he's funny. As in "Can you finish DEVON in two weeks?" funny. AHAHAHAHAHAHA--yeah, I think I can. :)= I mean, after all, beginning of yesterday, I had like 6,400 words. This morning, over 10,000. I can do it. I know I can. I just need to focus.

So bear with me, my minions. Blogging may be sparse here for a bit.

But there's always time to hail another member of the Minion Horde! Ewoh gets an award for most creative placement of Minion Bling. Plus, he looks a little evil. I like that in a person.

When All Else Fails, Sleep

Sometimes a nice loooooooong sleep can do wonders for a cold (or allergies, still not sure) and it can do even more wonders for a Work-in-Progress.

Last night I hammered out some gasp-inducing details for DEVON'S PLAYGROUND and I had the pleasure of revisiting EIGHTH GRADE BITES once again this morning to tweak a certain detail in the last chapter (my editor is so smart, it's scary sometimes). Now, of course, to me, the things I came up with are brilliant. But I am medicated right now....so for all I know, there may be drool on my monitor and the words "save the asparagus!" typed all through my manuscripts. But, y'know, whatever works.

Thanks to Bookshelves of Doom I have a dire need for one of these. How COOL are those?! Must. Have.

And today I'm going to write until my fingers fall off.

Then I'll use my nose.

But first, I want to thank my minion, Tim, for being all minion-y! (if you look closely, you'll see Tim is sporting Minion Bling 2.0 too)

Sick (and tired)

And not in the good "How sick is that?" way. No, more in the "Somebody promise to drag my body outside before I start to decay" way.

Okay, I may be exaggerating. But still...me no feela da healthy right now.

I'm starting to make ground on DEVON'S PLAYGROUND (does that sentence look weird to you, too, minions?). Not a lot, but some and I'll take what I can get. Between that, entertaining family this last week, and getting an obnoxious bug (it could be allergies...in fact, it likely is), I should be happy with my progress. But I'm not. But I'm trying to act like I am. So let's all play along while Auntie Heather deludes herself, darlings.

Ooooh, my new website is on its way (thanks, Shelley!). Other than that, the world is pretty quiet here. I chat up everyone I meet about EIGHTH GRADE BITES and have given more Minion Bling away than I could likely count. And now...I may nap.

Here's an odd thing...why do I work best in jammies, but the moment I'm fully clothed, I feel like napping? Oh yeah, that whole sick thing...if I'm not up in an hour, somebody poke me with a stick, make sure I'm still amongst the living.

Welcome to Spookytown, USA

What could be cooler than a bookstore dedicated to SciFi, Fantasy, and Horror for kids? Not a damn thing, as far as I'm concerned.

Spookytown is a great new site focusing on just that. The owner, Steve, tells me they're saving up pennies for a brick-and-mortar store in Detroit in the next two years. So get over there, check out what they have to offer, and help them with those pennies, because dude...we need more stores like these!

Wise Words

Not much time (nor drive) to talk today, minions. So I'll direct you to something all writers need to know.

Yours in Eternity,
Heather

Finding Your Characters

It's not enough to write about people, minions. Oh no. I wish it were, but you see, that's what makes the difference between a mediocre story...and a good one. You have to find your characters. That is, you have to really know them, get inside their heads, understand their motives, and speak in their voice. It's tough. For me, it's the toughest part of writing a new book.

The main character in DEVON'S PLAYGROUND is Stephen (I know you thought it would be Devon, but there you go). Stephen's a good kid. He's got problems (of course...who doesn't have problems?), but he's doing his best to work past them. I like him. He's a smart kid, funny, troubled. But I'm still finding him. Unfortunately, this doesn't tend to happen for me until the second draft...and as I'm still in the first draft, it makes me quite mopey.

I wish I were one of those authors who could spin gold their first try. But oh no, not me. First I spin crap, then I spin yellow crap, then I spin gold. Grr.

So how do we find our characters? The answer seems easy--spend time with them. Thus, a big reason for the blog nothingness as of late. I'm finding Stephen (who's named after my idol, Stephen King--I know, what kind of a dork am I?). So far, it's like a sick game of hide-n-seek, where the hider is invisible and I'm the seeker. Double grr.

But enough moping. I've got to go check under the bed.

Vlad Schtuff

Okay, minions, listen up. And you might want to grab a pen, because it's note-taking time.

First off, I checked with my wonderful editor and yes, August 16th, 2007 is the official release date for EIGHTH GRADE BITES. So...yay! Big day, mark your calendar, don't send me flowers, just buy my book. (In fact, my birthday is coming up in a few weeks on September 21st--as a present, I want you to pre-order my book for you or a friend. That, as far as I'm concerned, is the best present you can give an author.)

Secondly...dude...my book is available at Target. YAY! Like big time major covered in happy cobwebs YAY! I love Target, shop there all the time. They rawk. And now, of course, they rawk even harder...because they love me. :)=

People Should Screen These Things...

A Note To My Newest Minion

To the girl I met yesterday just outside the mall, near the race tracks:

Thank you. You talked to me about everyday things, like your dad and boys and why oh why are they so competitive. You sat with me, listened to me tell you about only having lived here for a year now, and then, when I asked you what grade you were in and you said seventh, you listened to me prattle on about my book. What's more, you asked where you could buy it. I happily passed on some Minion Bling (and Minion Bling 2.0) and your dad shook my hand (once he and your brother got done on the track). And for all of this, I wanted to say thank you. Because you reminded me with that curious glint in your eye and friendly conversation exactly why I do this. You really made my day.

Thank you.

Just A Quick One

Just taking a moment out of my busy weekend to pop in and tell you (well, remind you) all how wonderful Cynthia Leitich Smith is to give me a shout-out on her blog. She rawks! Go buy her books, minions.

That Certain Something

Every story needs it. And what it is differs with every story. It's that thing, that spark that drives an author to put the tale on paper (or screen, as it were). And for me, I can't move forward without knowing what it is.

So I'm dropping BEYOND THE LOOKING GLASS for a while, until I can find whatever is missing. It's a smart move, but that's not saying I'm not troubled by my decision. I worry (senselessly, I suspect) that all I'll ever be able to write are tales of Vlad. And while Vlad is fangtastic and fun and scary and easy for me, and I believe that his stories will entertain the masses...I want more. I want, when The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod are finished, to be known as a spooky YA writer, not just as "the Vlad Tod chick". Love Vlad as I do, I want more.

So what's next? Well, I'm hard at work on DEVON'S PLAYGROUND, which can be best described as: "The epic battle between good and evil for the fate of all the universe...but with kids." So far, the words are flying. Keep your lil minion fingers crossed that they continue to do so.

Plus, this week is an enormously busy one for me (with family in town), so blogging, email, everything will be sparse. Except for writing--that's one thing I can't let go.