You Love Me

You must. I'm buying you pressies. And, as we all know, when someone buys us a gift, we are obligated to do their bidding until the end of time. Or...at least for a week or two.

Last night, I approved the final proof of my custom-designed minion buttons and ordered them. (If you need buttons, holy crap, go see Sean--amazing prices, great to work with, can't say enough good things) But as I'm gifting you with pressies, you must do my bidding (as if there was ever any question of that...you are minions, after all).

I will send a free button that identifies you as my minion (yes, this applies to anyone who is reading this right now, no matter how fresh you are to the blog). In fact, I'll send you each two--provided you give someone the extra button and direct them to all things Heather Brewer (let me know if you need more than two...we'll talk). In short, my minion horde, it's time for you to go forth and spread the minion love with your minion bling. Cool? Cool. Also, I require a picture of you wearing your button and if you're under 18, permission from your parent to use it on my revamped website (coming soon!). (If you're over 18, I'm doing it anyway, so neener neener boo boo.) And hey, let's keep 'em clean, folks.

What's the catch? Not one damn thing. The buttons are gorgeous, free, and purely selfish on my part, as I love giving pressies and I adore my growing minion horde. *kish kish*

(Oh, also, wearing this button declares your eternal love for me and ensures me that when the time comes, you'll buy my books and sing their praises from every nearby rooftop you can reach.)

The Fruit (bat) Of My Labor

All has fallen silent for a bit--sorry about that, minions. Auntie Heather has been busy spending some dough on a few needful things (ie, bills, writing-promotional stuff, and a wee bit of fun fun stuff stuff, because hey...a gal's gotta live) and her eyes kind of glaze over a little bit when there's so much stuff to do that her brain is on the verge of implosion. Makes it hard to type.

(Believe me, an imploding brain is not as much fun as it sounds. Don't try this at home--I'm a trained professional.)

But now that that's out of the way (well, the major stuff anyhow), we can all settle back into the cozy comfort of simply being.

Here's a bit of writing-related news: I'm working with a brilliant designer named Sean over at Busy Beaver Buttons and getting plenty of minion buttons designed and created! It would be really cool to have a page on my website displaying all the photos (with permission, of course) of my fans/loyal minions donning their buttons. I'll have to talk to my web designer and see what we can do. Of course, for all you under-18 minions, I'd need parental permission. (Auntie Heather doesn't want a lawsuit) But...yeah...it's a thought.

I have those sometimes.

Some People's Kids...

Apparently, some scam agent named Barbara Bauer got her knickers in a twist and managed to get the Absolute Write forums shut down. I'll defer to the wisdom of Miss Snark, Jackie Kessler, and EJ Knapp for this one. They've said it better than I ever could have.

My Minions

It occurred to me last night that my blog is really just a nonsensical diary. I don't really discuss the industry or the process (much). I mostly talk about me and the dorky things I do. Is that bad? Heck no! There are a million blogs out there discussing these things. My purpose is merely to entertain. And to consume great quantities of Diet Pepsi.

I assume that you are reading this because you are either
a) my loyal minion,
b) unable to click away due to computer error
c) morbidly curious
d) planning my demise and want to know a bit about me first
or e) a lucky soul that just happened to find my page.

Something you should know is that all of the above categories classify you as one of my minions (okay, for all the 'd' minions, you're less loyal than the rest, but still...there you have it). And soon (very soon) you'll all have a little something to show for it. No, no, this has nothing to do with the SSS (Super Secret Surprise). This is something entirely different.

I'm going to make buttons that read, simply "MINION" (with my web address at the bottom, of course). I'll ship them out to whomever asks for one--all I ask in return is that you send me a picture of you wearing it, so that I can properly display my minion horde. However, this is something that's not happening YET. So remain calm and spread the word.

And do my bidding. (Sorry, can't be helped)

Vampires, Envy, And Working Myself Into Baldness

Vlad and Dillon (the main characters of Eighth Grade Bites and Beyond the Looking Glass for those of you just now joining us...and where have you been, anyway? That's it, see me after class. Now, where were we? Ah yes, Vlad and Dillon...) are two very different people. But sometimes I think they'd have a lot of fun hanging out together. Not for long, though. Eventually, Vlad would get sick of Dillon's mouth and bite him. Okay...on second thought, maybe they need to stay in their respective corners.

Yesterday I had one of those moments, those hard-to-breathe moments while I was reading something my Crit Partner sent me. She's so amazing. I wish I could write like her. *sigh* But it made me wonder...if all writers feel that way about another writer, who does Stephen King envy? What about JK Rowling? Who do they wish they could write like? Or do they sit around thinking about how much they love writing like themselves? Hmmm. It does make one wonder. Or, maybe it doesn't. I'm really just rambling here.

Today I'll be bouncing back and forth between editing Ninth Grade Sucks and polishing the first few chapters of Beyond the Looking Glass (my agent says we may try to sell it based on the partial and outline--yay!). After that, I'm going to finish off reading Christopher Moore's A Dirty Job and then maybe work on some web content. Basically, today will be filled with so much hair-pulling, that I ought to be completely bald by mid-afternoon. (No offense, Ewoh)

Holy Crap, I'm A Professional!!!

Loyal minions, in my hand I'm currently holding the largest check that I have ever had the great fortune of holding. Plus, it's made out to ME! In short, Auntie Heather just got her first ever check for something she's written. More specifically, Vlad just got a chunk of change simply for existing.

Now, many of you will shrug and say "cool, whatever", but you don't realize what an enormous deal this is in my family. My family is very blue collar, do-something-sensible-and-keep-your-head-out-of-the-clouds. And while my family is comprised of some very creative souls, the arts aren't what bring the big bucks in. My earning a living through writing...well, it's huge. It shows them that it's okay to keep your head in the clouds, that dreams really do come true (and can be fruitful).

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go buy something coffin-shaped...

Ninth Grade Sucks

Now that I've sent off the final Wonderland outline to my fabulous agent for his thoughts, I'm taking a Dillon break and spending some time with Vlad, brushing up the completed first draft of Ninth Grade Sucks. When I initially read it over, I cried. It was awful. But now that I'm keyboard-deep into it, it's really not so bad. I really don't think it'll be long before I'm mailing off the second draft to me amazing Crit Partner and fantastic readers. Of course, I'm having an optimistic day...things may change.

Last night I had a very bizarre dream. I dreamt that Vlad showed up at my door in the middle of the night. He said he didn't want to drag me into this, but he had nowhere else to turn. Then the big baddie from Eighth Grade Bites shows up and threatens to hurt my family if I don't hand Vlad over. Well, I explain to him that I CREATED him, so he can't boss me around. It didn't work though...and man, was it scary.

I think I'm spending too much time with my characters.

Maybe next time I'm out, I should pick up a life.

At Long Last!

Phew! It seems like it took ages (and blood *Vlad's ears perk up*, sweat & tears), but I just finished writing the outline for the second Wonderland book (as of yet, untitled). It turned out differently than I'd planned for it to, but then, books have a way of doing that at times.

I think I'll make myself take tomorrow off before diving into any real writing. The question is...do I continue work on BEYOND THE LOOKING GLASS, or do I return to Vlad's freshman year? Decisions, decisions...

I Wasn't This Good At Math When I Was In The Eighth Grade!

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 8/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

I Put The DEAD In 'Deadline'

Short post today, minions. I've given myself until Monday to finish cranking out this outline (even if it's horribly ugly, so long as it's done), so I won't have much extra time for, well, anything today. (Sorry, lungs...no air for you)

I wanted to stop by and thank you for being here. I need each and every one of you. (By the way, new minion that I met at the Borders on Olive Rd. last night with his mom? I need you too. And you totally made my day. Thanks!) If it weren't for you minions, you loyal soon-to-be-readers, I'd just be this pathetic, lonely hack. I owe you one. (That 'one' is coming soon enough--it's part of the SSS)

And now, a wee bit of breathing room before I throw myself off the cliff of outline-writing. *sigh*

DJ MacHale is a GOD!

Have you read any of the Pendragon books, minions? If not, what's stopping you? They're smart, funny, heart-stopping, and completely addictive. Not just for kids--so get out there and read!

Clearly, Mr. MacHale is one of my all-time favorite people (Hey, I LOVED "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"). But he just stepped up the deity ladder.

DJ MacHale read Eighth Grade Bites. He thought it was fun and terrific...and he gave me a blurb! WOOT! Check out this juicy little morsel:

"A spooky mystery that's funny, gruesome, heartwarming, spellbinding, sad, joyous, surprising and topped off with a tasty blend of blood and chocolate. Yum. What more could you ask for?"
~D.J. MacHale, New York Times-bestselling author of PENDRAGON: JOURNAL OF AN ADVENTURE THROUGH TIME AND SPACE

Now, if I can manage to calm Vlad down (who's currently jumping up and down in the back of my skull), it's time to celebrate. :)

Thank you, Mr. MacHale. You rock!

What It's Like To Live In My Head

I had a desk once. Still do, in fact...I'm almost certain. Every few weeks, my beautiful cherry desk will emerge from its paper-strewn lair. And wow, what a sight! But, much like the groundhog, it doesn't stay out long.

In short, I really need to clean off my desk.

In other, extensively happier news, my wonderful editor loved my back story, my series title, and my other thing that I'm not telling you about. (We'll refer to it as SUPER SECRET SURPRISE from here on out, or perhaps SSS if I'm feeling lazy and/or snake-like) Plus, I'm making ground on the outline for the second Wonderland book (which I may be calling Reflections of Wonderland...don't know yet). So all in all, a good week for Auntie Heather.

I wish I had an exact date for the release of Eighth Grade Bites. I'd like to obsessively begin a countdown. After all, if you don't do something obsessively, then really, what's the point? For now, the time frame I have is "late summer of '07", but that may change. Over a year...wow, that's a long time.

What am I doing?! I have work to do. And so do you, my minions. Stop slacking off! Get to work...you know, doing my bidding and stuff.

The Dos And Don'ts They Don't Tell You About

How many writing blogs are there out there? Five million or so? And most of them cover the dos and don'ts of publishing...but they leave out all the really practical stuff. Well, never fear, my faithful minions. Auntie Heather has come to your aid once again. Here are the top five dos and don'ts that all those other writing-related blogs don't tell you about.

5) Don't wear white.
Word to the wise, minions...white stains like crazy. And with all the soothing chocolate you'll be devouring, you want something that will hide stains. Opt for black instead. Besides, as depressed as this process will make you, you'll come to have a great appreciation for the color of mourning.

4) Buy stock in Office Depot.
Or Staples or Office Max--if it's an office supply store, you're going to give them a lot of business, so why not benefit from it? As a side note, it never hurts to get to know the employees' names. After all, to a full time writer, these people are like coworkers...however, please refrain from copying your butt on their copiers. They hate that.

3) Opt for comfort.
I vote for yoga pants or jammie pants (Happy Bunny not necessary if you're not a fashion mogul such as I). The point is that when you're sobbing into your keyboard or glaring at your monitor, screaming, "I HATE THIS! AND I'LL NEVER BE A WRITER!! NEVER!!!", you want to be all sorts of cozy. (Trust me. This will happen.)

2) Headphones are your friend.
Your only friend, considering how much time you'll spend at your desk--but that's beside the point. The only way to block out noise is with more noise. So slap those babies on and block out the rest of the world.

and finally, 1) Surround yourself with inspiration.
I have many things on my desk that inspire me to write. But my favorite has to be my Vampire in a Box kit. Just in case this whole writer thing doesn't work out...I'll always have eternal night to look forward to.

Now, change into jammie pants, grab some chocolate, check your stock portfolio, slip on your headphones, and remember, if it doesn't work out...I've got extra room in my coffin.

How Heather Brewer Got Caffeine, Got Writing, and Got a Two-Book Deal

Today I'm working on my back story--a handy little account that I'm told will add a personal touch to my press release. It's surprisingly easy to write, though I confess, for the first hour, I just stared at the screen and wished I had a more upbeat history. My life hasn't been all sunshine and roses. But it's been interesting, that's for sure.

Other than that, I'm continuing work on the outline for the second Wonderland book. I'm struggling with it and I don't know why...but I suspect my muse is sick to death of planning and wants to move on to writing ASAP. I hear ya, musey. Just grunt in my direction a few more times and we'll call this thing good.

For now, I'm delving back into the wonder that is I (woohooo! I'm a wonder!) and maybe thinking about (not actually doing it, mind you) cleaning off my desk.

If Vlad Were A Penguin...

...okay, maybe not. But it's freaky looking, right?

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes...

...are none of my favorite things and you'll likely not read about them on this blog. Ever. Though I may occasionally wax poetic about raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. (It's the geek in me--there is no cure)

Today, thus far, has proven to be one of the more interesting days of late. It started with a happy rest (in part because my agent said we received my due on signing check--WOOT!), progressed with a call from my sister (Hi, Dawn!), and now I'm knee-deep in Dillon's situation with Wonderland. And oh...oh, I thought the first book (Beyond the Looking Glass) was going to be good. But the second? It's going to be friggin' amazing! So far, it's a happy day. In a brooding, leave-me-alone-in-my-hermitness-so-I-can-wax-poetic-about-deer-eating-snails (don't ask) kinda way.

Anyhoo, my sister and I were discussing fledgling writers and the questions they have that they need answers to. And I just wanted to post that you can always, ALWAYS email me, my little minions. I'm happy to help guide you when I can and at the very least, steer you away from scams and scammers. I love to help. And what's more, I want you to succeed. So...don't be shy. Click that email link and ask away.

Because if you don't ask...you won't know.

Butt + Chair = Productivity

Well...one would think, anyway. But for some reason, yesterday didn't work out that way. Let me give you an example of my writing process for yesterday.

Sit in chair, turn on computer, open up Word file for second Wonderland book (as of yet untitled), determine that nothing will distract me until I write at least three chapter notes of this outline. GMail notifier pops up (I use a GMail account for much of my correspondence). Ooh, email! Answer email, mind wanders, check Backspace, laugh, learn, love that site and the good folks on it. Get refocused, realize I'm without a Diet Pepsi. Trip to the fridge, then butt to chair. Vow that NOTHING will distract me this time! Place hands on keyboard. GMail notifier pops up. Ooh, email! Answer email, then close GMail notifier. NOTHING will distract me now!! Stare at screen. It's too quiet in here. Go turn on stereo. Sit back down, eyebrow twitches at the commercials playing, scream "I CAN'T WRITE LIKE THIS!!!", turn off stereo, opt for headphones and Media Player. Find workable song, drink Diet Pepsi, get focused, write seven words before wondering if anyone's emailed. Pull up Google window, type in "GMail", log into email account. Ooh, email! Answer email, start thinking about book launch party, fly into panicky author mode because NOBODY will come and I don't want to have a BORING party, I want to have a COOL party, post dilemma on Backspace, find comfort, wisdom and laughter, close Backspace, close GMail, return to Word document.

I think I wrote a grand total of fifteen words on my outline yesterday. But today will be different. NOTHING will stop me now!

Ooh, email!

Where's My Hasenpfeffer?

Yeah, the title of this entry? It makes no sense at all considering what I'm about to write, but I've had that Bugs Bunny cartoon on the brain lately. So...deal.

I brushed up the zombie synopsis that I'm not yet telling you minions about and sent it off to my fabulous agent. We'll see if the idea sinks or swims. And as soon as I'm done chatting with you loyal little demons of the dark, I'm off to work on the outline of the second Wonderland book. Then, when those things are behind me, I'm working on Ninth Grade Sucks' second draft, because geeeeeeez, a girl needs a break from all of this insufferable planning. I just want to write. What's more, I want to spend some time with Vlad. I miss that little sucker.

And so much for that whole I'm-Giving-Up-Diet-Pepsi-For-Good! drama. It's my one vice. Besides, it's sugar free, low sodium, no calories...as far as I can tell, I'm drinking flavored air.

Mmmmm...air...

Cashing in Those Karma Chips

...and just like that, my day improved grossly.

As you can see (below), yesterday was headed in a stressful direction. But life has a way of throwing you off-course, and just as I thought it could only worsen, it improved by leaps and bounds.

My fabulous, wonderful, I'm-so-lucky-to-have-him agent emailed with a great idea. In order to protect ourselves from unintentional similarities to American McGee's Alice (plus, hey, it just works better this way), Michael suggested changing the asylum to a prison or dungeon. Well, I immediately picture some of those old European prisons, complete with shackles and racks. Perfect. My agent? Brilliant with a capital B.

Plus, he loves the new title (as do I): Beyond the Looking Glass.

Not bad, eh? Here's to another great day!

I managed to complete the first draft of a synopsis that I'm not telling you about just yet, and I'm currently plugging away at the second Wonderland book's chapter outline.

If I get quiet, don't bury me.

I'm always pale like this.

The Week From Hell

It's been a rough week, minions (obviously...I mean, look at this entry's title--I don't even believe in hell and I'm referencing it). A very rough week.

It seems that everyone in the world who could possibly want money from me wants it NOW (and they have to wait...getting money from publishers takes time, folks). My agent (whom I completely adore--he's a peach for bringing this up, but I'm a pouty author, so I need to whine just a bit longer) raised possible trademark issues with my Wonderland book, because of American McGee's Alice. (American, as it turns out, is a heck of a nice guy and directed me to EA Games--for now, my book is in limbo, until I can find out for certain that my agent's okay with me moving forward with it) I'm having a serious meltdown over where to host my big Eighth Grade Bites book launch party (of course you're invited--how silly of you to ask). And basically, I just want to crawl back under my rock and forget the world exists.

Next week will be better.

And it's not like this week is all that bad, really. It's just a little AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! and that happens (especially in this biz). Besides, I'm still adjusting to being out from under my rock. My phone rings now. I get email every day (often from people I don't know, asking me all sorts of questions--which is great!). I'm making plans to travel and promote and...well, it was a lot easier when I could slip on my Happy Bunny jammie pants, plop myself down in front of the monitor, and tell stories about whatever I wanted with no thought to what came afterward.

But I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love my life.

Even if, occasionally, I need to shove my head back under my rock to gain some perspective.

It Waits

Hey minions, I was recently contacted by a representative of M80 & Anchor Bay Entertainment regarding a new horror film that's hitting shelves on May 23, 2006, called It Waits. Now, knowing as you do (because hey, you pay attention), I am a great lover of damn near every horror flick out there (the good, the bad, and the ugly). It Waits looks pretty good (LOVE the trailer) and I'll absolutely watch it with popcorn-stuffing glee, as horror afficianados are wont to do. So...in a few weeks, take a trip to the video store (or take a trip to Amazon right now) and give this new flick a chance. (more about It Waits below)



PRESS RELEASE

For Immediate Release

March 13, 2006

“It Lurks, It Prowls…”

IDT Entertainment's

Anchor Bay Entertainment Unleashes

“It Waits”

On DVD May 23

TROY , MI – Anchor Bay Entertainment, an IDT Entertainment Company, presents the terrifying story of a dark legend come to life seeking vengeance on mankind. From acclaimed writer/producer Stephen J. Cannell (“A Team”, “Hunter”, “Profit”, “ 21 Jump Street ”) comes… It Waits! Premiering on DVD May 23 rd , 2006 , consumers won't have to wait any longer to thrill at the extensive bonus features including behind-the-scenes footage and interviews of the cast and writers, in addition to a feature-length audio commentary. SRP is $19.98 and pre-book date is April 12.

Written by Cannell, Thomas E. Szollosi (“Mythquest”) and Richard Chris tian Matheson ( Masters of Horror ) and directed by Steven R. Monroe ( House of 9 ), It Waits focuses on a tale taken from Native American folklore of a lost Human Being whose vicious resentments fueled an anger so fierce that its soul was banished from the world of the living. What happens when this malevolent spirit returns – can anyone stop its relentless and destructive powers?

After her best friend is killed in an auto accident in which she was the driver, Forest Ranger Danielle St. Clair (Cerina Vincent – “CSI”, Not Another Teen Movie ) moves into a secluded watchtower in the mountains to bury herself in her work, unaware that something else is buried in the forest. A spirit of the underworld – a victim of its own evil bitterness long entombed in a cave. For a chance to escape and exact its bloody revenge, it waits…

And when accidentally released, the peaceful forest becomes a killing ground. Only Danielle and her fiancé Justin (Dominic Zamprogna, “Battlestar Galactica”) are left to stand up against this ancient nightmare.

Value-added supplements on the It Waits DVD include:

Widescreen Presentation (1.77:1), enhanced for 16x9 TVs

Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound
“Blood On The Pines” Behind-The-Scenes Featurette
Feature-length audio commentary with director Steven R. Monroe and star Cerina Vincent
Trailers
Stephen J. Cannell Productions, Inc. owns the worldwide distribution rights to more than 1,000 hours of Cannell produced series and TV movies. DVD releases from the company's broadcast hits include “Hunter Season One & Two,” “The Greatest American Hero Seasons One, Two & Three,” “The Commish Season Three” and “Silk Stalkings Season Four.” For more information on Stephen J. Cannell, visit www.cannell.com .

Anchor Bay Entertainment is a recognized name in home entertainment. The company offers an expansive selection of award-winning, notable theatrical films including “Time Bandits” and “Halloween,” classic television programming such as “Roseanne,” “3 rd Rock from the Sun,” “Three's Company,” “Highlander” and much of the Stephen J. Cannell library, traditional children's fare featuring the ever-popular Thomas & Friends collection and Mister Rogers Neighborhood, the impressive Manga anime line and chart-topping fitness titles including the "Crunch" and "For Dummies" series. Anchor Bay Entertainment is aggressively developing a wide range of original programs and concepts in addition to licensing existing brands and films.

Anchor Bay Entertainment is a subsidiary of IDT Entertainment. IDT Entertainment is a vertically integrated entertainment company that develops, produces, and distributes proprietary and licensed entertainment content.

###

IT WAITS

Street Date: May 23, 2006
Pre-Book: April 12, 2006
Catalog #: DV12990
UPC: 0-1313-12990-9 0
Run Time: 88 Minutes
Rating: Not Rated
SRP : $19.98

Look Ma, No Hands!

Last night I finished the revisions of Eighth Grade Bites and sent it on to my Crit Partner. I can't remember being so ecstatic to finish anything I've written before and, while I realize my changes to EGB are likely not completed just yet (what with copyediting and whatnot), I'm so super geeked to be done, to have transformed this book into what I have. It's a great accomplishment and I'm rather proud of myself. (Can you tell?)

But I will figuratively bite my nails until she gets back to me, and then fidget the entire time my fantastic editor and fabulous agent are rereading it.

No more work this week, I guess.

Who can work when celebration is called for? ;)

The Need to Repeat Myself

Back in February (see February 24th's entry), I discussed the need to be original in your stories in order to stand out from the crowd. Today's discussion will be along those lines as well, but in another vein. (Stop snickering, Vlad!)

When you, as an author, present your public face to the world, you want them to know that you are as intriguing and unique as your stories. It's tough to put aside any troubles you may have with your self-esteem, but it's also crucial that you do...and just be yourself. What you don't do is put on a mask of someone you'd rather be, because then you're not giving people a chance to know the real you.

You also don't copy a new up-and-coming (well, she hopes, anyway) vampire author's web design and content, then change it just a smidge to look like your own. Because, frankly, it pisses her off. You most certainly do not do that, but if you had, you might think enormously hard about fixing your grievous error. Because an unhappy offended author is not a pretty site.

Now, in other news, I'll be finishing up my revisions on Eighth Grade Bites today (Three more chapters! Wooohooo!) and sending them on to my Crit Partner for her thoughts. Then later this week, I'll send them in to my editor and agent, a full week ahead of schedule.

I rock out loud.

And, I'm one of a kind.

Addendum: Did you know that stealing website content is copyright infringement?

Revisions

"The first draft reveals the art, revision reveals the artist."
~Michael Lee

I rule.

You have no idea how much I totally rule.

In short, it's a high self-esteem day, minions.

The revisions are going along swimmingly. I'm thinking I should be wrapping up my changes to Eighth Grade Bites by Tuesday--sooner, if I can keep this pace. Vlad is thrilled (and a bit relieved, I think) to be back in my good company. He's been an enormous help. Hmmm...maybe I should include him in the Acknowledgements. ;) (Nah...that spoiled lil vamp gets to be the focus of a series...that's enough)

I'm completely thrilled with the changes I've made so far. This is going to be one cool book, minions. (At least, I think so) So, you know, as soon as it goes up for sale...buy it.