Ick...How Stereotypical Am I?
Lately, I've been spiralling some into a bit of depression (bit, pit, whatever), questioning my abilities as a writer and scrambling in a panic that EIGHTH GRADE BITES and NINTH GRADE SUCKS may be 'it' for me. Stupid, right? I mean, I'm certainly not the best or brightest, but I can hold my own. Yet...I've felt incredibly down on myself and without all hope that I'll be able to grow a successful writing career. I'm not sure where these feelings of despair came from, but they started in on me sometime in August and only yesterday did I get what I really need to get past it all.
The person closest to me (Hi, Paul!) kicked me in the butt and told me to snap out of it.
All the worrying, all the self-imposed stress, all the rushing (which I always do to myself), just needs to stop. I need to take some time to relax, to breathe, and move forward knowing that I can do this, that just because I don't have four books sold my first year (yes, this was something incredibly stupid that I was sobbing about yesterday, I'm ashamed to admit) doesn't mean that I am incapable of success. I'm far too hard on myself. But that's going to change.
It helped to know that not only does Paul seriously understand where all this is coming from, but that I also have an amazing agent and incredible editor who believe in me, who know that I can write a damn good story (if I, y'know, slow down a bit). I'm absolutely blessed and I need to remind myself of that now and again.
Now in happy news, my wonderful editor sent on her thoughts on the NINTH GRADE SUCKS manuscript. I'm seriously excited about these changes--they're all things I should have seen before, but for some reason, didn't. So after I finish working on DEVON'S PLAYGROUND (which I'll continue today, to try to make the best book I possibly can), I'll go back to Vlad and make NINTH even better than EIGHTH. I love being edited. You know, after the initial OH MY GAWD, THIS WILL TAKE AN ETERNITY!!! feeling, it feels really good to know that she has my back and knows what my book needs.
In other happy news...I've been rejected by the best of 'em. To add to my seriously cool Poppy Z. Brite postcard, yesterday I received a letter from Clive Barker, apologizing for not being able to blurb my book. I knew that, actually. I mean, dude, he's CLIVE BARKER. But I was geeked that I even heard anything back, and even more geeked that he signed it. But, for some reason, Blogger's not letting me post a pic of it, so you'll just have to use your imagination.
The person closest to me (Hi, Paul!) kicked me in the butt and told me to snap out of it.
All the worrying, all the self-imposed stress, all the rushing (which I always do to myself), just needs to stop. I need to take some time to relax, to breathe, and move forward knowing that I can do this, that just because I don't have four books sold my first year (yes, this was something incredibly stupid that I was sobbing about yesterday, I'm ashamed to admit) doesn't mean that I am incapable of success. I'm far too hard on myself. But that's going to change.
It helped to know that not only does Paul seriously understand where all this is coming from, but that I also have an amazing agent and incredible editor who believe in me, who know that I can write a damn good story (if I, y'know, slow down a bit). I'm absolutely blessed and I need to remind myself of that now and again.
Now in happy news, my wonderful editor sent on her thoughts on the NINTH GRADE SUCKS manuscript. I'm seriously excited about these changes--they're all things I should have seen before, but for some reason, didn't. So after I finish working on DEVON'S PLAYGROUND (which I'll continue today, to try to make the best book I possibly can), I'll go back to Vlad and make NINTH even better than EIGHTH. I love being edited. You know, after the initial OH MY GAWD, THIS WILL TAKE AN ETERNITY!!! feeling, it feels really good to know that she has my back and knows what my book needs.
In other happy news...I've been rejected by the best of 'em. To add to my seriously cool Poppy Z. Brite postcard, yesterday I received a letter from Clive Barker, apologizing for not being able to blurb my book. I knew that, actually. I mean, dude, he's CLIVE BARKER. But I was geeked that I even heard anything back, and even more geeked that he signed it. But, for some reason, Blogger's not letting me post a pic of it, so you'll just have to use your imagination.
posted by Heather Brewer at 5:42 AM
9 Comments:
I'm glad someone helped you get over the 'am I good enough' as it's a long drive for me to have to come up there and kick your behind.
Life's a Dark Cafe, M'Lady, and all good words come from the dark.
EJ
I couldn't have said it better myself...
Hold onto the butt-kicking, though. I'm sure I'll need another come May. :)=
I'll be next in line right after EJ... actually, he looks kinda scrawny, maybe I can take him in a wrestling match for first in line to kick your butt!!!!
We had this conversation in the lobby of the Algonquin, at the backspace conference... you remember? About all the blurbs by really good writers. About all the great things the editor and publisher were saying. About how many ARCs were being sent out. About how many colors are in the cover of your book!!!
Silly little cute-goth-chick... you have it. You have the magic-storyteller-voice. You make worlds come alive for people (or dead, depending on content).
You are not out of ideas. You are not a bad writer. You are not bad at all.
BUT... you are you. You will write however amny books you have in you to write every year. You are not Clive Barker. You are not Poppy Z. Bright. You are not Stephen King.... and you are not Sancho.
You are Heather. And that is a great person to be. I know. I met her.
So, here's an idea for your next post: How to survive editing your story on your own.
If I knew that, I could finish my WIP and move onto the next story.
I am not Sancho. Neither is Scott Baio. :)
You rawk, Ewoh--seriously. You minions mean so much to me, it's scary.
Ask and ye shall receive! It might take me a few days to compose, but that sounds like a great and much-needed post.
Onward!
Thanks, Devon. I'm the same way--there's usually one small thing that brings those demons about. Identify it, deal with it, and move past it. :)
Devon said: "I always want something exterior to "fix" it, but it always has to be something internal."
Absolutely agree with wise Devon.
The exception is chocolate, which fixes everything.
Yes, chocolate is a cure-all. :)
Awww...you said "Hi" to me. I feel so special. I just wanted to let you knw that I'll always be here when you need me. *shines butt-kicking boot*
Does it have to be polished in order to be effective, Pauly? Oh wait...must just be leftover Air Force stuff. :-*
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