On Being Different
I know a lot of you Minions are teenagers, and that quite a few of you are ultra-creative in your way of dressing/behaving, so...I want to tell you a story.
Once upon a time (say about a week ago), Auntie Heather left on a trip to a city a few states from here. I won't say which city, because I don't want any Minions reaching for pitchforks and torches and storming the place. But I will say that it was a smaller city than Saint Louis, and very, very pretty. I was with my husband (we'll call him Uncle Paul) and the two original Minions, our children (one of which shares my love of all things black and macabre--plus, he's really cute, about to turn 14...and single--ladies?). Anyhoo, Uncle Paul doesn't dress like I do. He has his own style (which is great--you should strive for whatever will make you happy and comfortable), and looks very much like an upstanding citizen--unlike me, who is clearly stuck at Halloween, around age 15 or so.
So we went to this town, and people were very nice...until Uncle Paul wasn't around, lording over the freak in the black eyeliner, and keeping her out of trouble. A man in a bookstore muttered "Happy Halloween". A woman at a store wouldn't allow me to carry my bag inside, even though I had my receipt. People literally ran from the restroom when I entered. And a bookseller, I'm sorry to say, seemed to shrink back once she noticed I was approaching her, and ducked into the next aisle, her eyes wide with fear. Normally such occurrences cause Auntie Heather to laugh until the zippers fly right off her pant legs. But this time...it made me a little sad.
Upon hearing I was an author, the bookseller visibly relaxed, and people treated me a tad better. But it was you Minions that my thoughts drifted to...and how hard it is to get people to look past something like clothes and make-up to see the person within. I could totally understand the pressure at that moment not to dress how I prefer to dress, which is all gothy and delicious and full of much black and red and zippers and velvet and yum. And I wondered where the other goths were in that town...or if they were hiding beneath khaki pants and polo shirts. It made me sad to think that people could hurt my Minions enough to make them stop dressing as they wanted to dress (however that is--I'm not speaking just of the gothic style here). And it made me angry that people think that how we look really matters.
Because it doesn't, my Minions. Whether we're all sitting here, looking like whatever we look like or not...none of it matters. Not really. What matters is that we are true to ourselves, and that we never, ever give anyone power over how we feel about ourselves. You Minions are the coolest people on the friggin' planet, and your Auntie Heather adores each and every one of you beyond measure. And do you know why? It's not just because of your fabulous taste in books (which is pretty excellent, Vlad agrees)...it's because you're all unique and wonderful in your own way. So never, ever let anyone make you feel like you're not fangtastic for being the way that you are. Because they don't deserve to have control over you like that. You're beautiful. Every one of you. Believe that.
As for that town...I signed copies of my books in that store, and it looks like they're all sold out now. So clearly...my Minions are there too. And that is enough to bring a smile to my face. :)=
Once upon a time (say about a week ago), Auntie Heather left on a trip to a city a few states from here. I won't say which city, because I don't want any Minions reaching for pitchforks and torches and storming the place. But I will say that it was a smaller city than Saint Louis, and very, very pretty. I was with my husband (we'll call him Uncle Paul) and the two original Minions, our children (one of which shares my love of all things black and macabre--plus, he's really cute, about to turn 14...and single--ladies?). Anyhoo, Uncle Paul doesn't dress like I do. He has his own style (which is great--you should strive for whatever will make you happy and comfortable), and looks very much like an upstanding citizen--unlike me, who is clearly stuck at Halloween, around age 15 or so.
So we went to this town, and people were very nice...until Uncle Paul wasn't around, lording over the freak in the black eyeliner, and keeping her out of trouble. A man in a bookstore muttered "Happy Halloween". A woman at a store wouldn't allow me to carry my bag inside, even though I had my receipt. People literally ran from the restroom when I entered. And a bookseller, I'm sorry to say, seemed to shrink back once she noticed I was approaching her, and ducked into the next aisle, her eyes wide with fear. Normally such occurrences cause Auntie Heather to laugh until the zippers fly right off her pant legs. But this time...it made me a little sad.
Upon hearing I was an author, the bookseller visibly relaxed, and people treated me a tad better. But it was you Minions that my thoughts drifted to...and how hard it is to get people to look past something like clothes and make-up to see the person within. I could totally understand the pressure at that moment not to dress how I prefer to dress, which is all gothy and delicious and full of much black and red and zippers and velvet and yum. And I wondered where the other goths were in that town...or if they were hiding beneath khaki pants and polo shirts. It made me sad to think that people could hurt my Minions enough to make them stop dressing as they wanted to dress (however that is--I'm not speaking just of the gothic style here). And it made me angry that people think that how we look really matters.
Because it doesn't, my Minions. Whether we're all sitting here, looking like whatever we look like or not...none of it matters. Not really. What matters is that we are true to ourselves, and that we never, ever give anyone power over how we feel about ourselves. You Minions are the coolest people on the friggin' planet, and your Auntie Heather adores each and every one of you beyond measure. And do you know why? It's not just because of your fabulous taste in books (which is pretty excellent, Vlad agrees)...it's because you're all unique and wonderful in your own way. So never, ever let anyone make you feel like you're not fangtastic for being the way that you are. Because they don't deserve to have control over you like that. You're beautiful. Every one of you. Believe that.
As for that town...I signed copies of my books in that store, and it looks like they're all sold out now. So clearly...my Minions are there too. And that is enough to bring a smile to my face. :)=
posted by Heather Brewer at 10:40 AM
12 Comments:
Yeah it is pretty sad that some people are forced to dress a certain way when they don't want to. See I am not a goth or an emo. I'm a Christian, but I like the Gothic look and dress that way. I live in a small town so I am judged a lot, people make many comments and all that jazz. Even the true Goths make me feel judged because I'm not like them in the way I think about certain things. But really I don't mind it, I mean what they say now doesn't matter, as long as I'm myself I'm doing good. That's how I know I have true friends, people that don't care how you dress or what you think about certain things, they just accept you for being you.
I do get upset sometimes though normally when people make comments about my friends, and Aunty Heather. So it's good you didn't put down the name of the city you came to visit, or they'd have one very unhappy minion K8 knocking at their doors. XD. (So you're son is almost 14? That's pretty cool, I'm 14 too. Tell him I said hi.)
Alright well that was super long but one last thing, if you ever get the chance to come up to NH (around Berlin) I'm sure I'll do anything to come so I can get my book signed and be a very happy little minion. =D
Good for you! After all, yours is the only opinion that matters.
However...a word on those "true goths". If they were TRUE goths, they would be open-minded and accepting of all styles, backgrounds, and beliefs. After all, goth is a state of mind. And in my experience, an accepting one. :)=
Yeah that's what I think. Yeah I know I don't think they are really juding but you know when everyone else agrees on someone and you're the only one that doesn't you get that feeling that they are judging you? It's something like that.
Oh yes you'd be so proud! I told the library at school about Eighth grade Bites. I've been waring my pin every day (and right now too!) and I've been leaving Vlad's sign on notebooks of my classmates along with the words "Eighth Grade Bites, Heather Brewer" so hopefully that will help spread the Vlad love!
Don't you hate that, Auntie Heather? (hehe, people think I'm weird for calling you that. Awesome!) I totally agree that goth is a state of mind. The only kind of person that I really tend NOT to like are closed minded biggots who can't accept people that aren't like them. *sigh* But hey, there are so many people like that, there's no WAY we could change EVERYONE'S opinion about us. So I guess we could just give them smiles that say "I'm gonna eat you" and see how things work out. ^-^
Thanks for the words of wisdom, Auntie Heather. I think I might print them out and put them on my wall. Just for incentive to keep going sometimes, ya know?
Aww, I'm two years older than your son! *cries* Lol. But I say "Yo" anyways. Love ya, Auntie H!
Always spreading the Vlad love.
<3333
(sorry so long. Eeep!)
Well said.
I agreee, I like the gothic style too, but Im not goth. People always call me goth or whatever. (When my wrist got cut while I was playing they started calling me emo too.)
Heather,
I used to dress this way as well, but people stared at me that way regardless of how I dress. This is how Black folks are treated every day. Imagine how annoying this could be...every day. No joke.
You said it(im not black and i mean all of you), gosh its so good to be back ive had so much work(nyways) i agree with all of you 1000%(no that is not wrong its just the way i want it.) i love the color black. so if i wear an entire black outfit someone just happens to ask if im goth. i say no, but it keeps me wondering why they thiink this way. i have a long scar on the inside of wrist and im afraid of people seeing it because theyll think i cut myself and call me emo. i keep telling people that not all emo people cut themselves. (the scar wuz from my cat btw) its horrible that so many people just like to stereotype everyone but that when it comes to themselves being stereo typed they dont like it.
its horrible and i dont like at all the fact that they treated you that way Auntie Heather. all we can do is try an teach the world that its not nice to stereotype people.(sorry its so long)
lets hope the world become concious* to this and all other realities.(*i kno its probably spelled wrong)
aminion
i totally agree with this. my dad just got a hold of me tellin me that i needed to change the way i dress because he didn't want people thinkin i was a freak. so what if i am? i'm not gonna change just because of that. i like who i am and people better get used to it. he said i "used to be" this sweet little girl that had friends and loved her life. "used to be". nobody really understands me. not really. they can't realize that i don't want to be like every barbie doll in school. that i WANT to be different. i want to be remembered that way. screw what they think.
i forgot something. sorry. but i'm really not goth. i get asked if i am pretty much on a daily basis. but i just like the style. i'm more emo. of course when people ask and i tell them that, they tend to back off really fast...you would think that they would realize it concidering all the scars on my wrists. but anyway no one really accepts me for that either. even my best friend doesn't understand it. i try to explain it and she just goes on and on about how it's not nessassary. same with all my other friends. but anyhow, i just felt the need to say that. thanks auntie heather! if you're ever around south carolina, let me know.
I'm glad you could connect with my post, Ashley. I think it's important to look beyond labels to the people underneath, don't you?
Now...a word on cutting. And this is where Auntie Heather feels the need to be firm, because I love you with all my black little heart (as I do all my Minions), and I want you to be around for many, many years to come.
Don't cut yourself. No ifs, ands, buts about it. I won't fool around with this, because cutting is very serious.
Listen to Auntie Heather, hon. No matter what's wrong with your life, no matter what's bothering you or getting in your way, there is no sound reason to cause yourself physical harm. (Not to mention that I take personal affront the moment anyone harms one of my Minions...and you're doing just that) Please, please stop, and ask a trusted companion (be it a teacher, friend, librarian, parent, neighbor) for help.
And if you ever need a shoulder, an ear, some comforting words or advice...if you're ever thinking about cutting, email me and we'll talk it out.
But don't cut yourself. Ever. Got it?
thanks. i know i shouldn't do it and i've been trying to stop. i haven't in about 3 weeks so i'm doing pretty good. it just tends to seem like the easy way out. but i honestly am trying to stop. my friends want me to and their opinion means a lot to me. and of course yours does too. ^_^ thanks so much auntie heather! i love ya!
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