Ve Have a Vinner!

Wow! You Minions certainly are creative! I received so many creative versions of my bio that I thought my Inbox might explode! And they were all an incredible blend of funny and sweet--you've impressed the fangs right off of me.

But...there can only be one winner. And, as today is my birthday...
(Happybirthdaytome,happybirthdaytome,happybirthdaydearHeather,happybirthdaytome!)

...it's time to choose. It wasn't easy, that's for sure. And three really stuck out from the crowd, but in the end, I had to go with the entry that I felt was the most original. So, without further ado....the winner of the hoodie is...

FRNCHCTT! Congrats, you've got a hoodie!!! (contact me with your mailing address and I'll get that out to you!) And the winning entry is this (pasted exactly as received):

Heather Brewer stayed most of her life inside a dark and small house, and it's not because she's one of those scary people who walk about at night and state "I vant to suck vou'r blood;" Sorta. Instead, she stays inside for her husband, who is one of those people who walk around at night stating, "I vant to-I get it now, vou don't have to make me say vat stupid line anyvore." Eh-Hem.
They met in dark alley way one cold october 31st when she caught him drinking the blood of a 19 year old convict who broke out of the local jail. When their eyes met, it was love at first sight and soon they started to see eachother.
Their love increased thoughout the year in which on the very next October 31st, he asked Heather to marry him. The next few months passed by in an instent and soon it was wedding day. Heather walked down the isle in the white dress (actually black, but they pretended.) and smiled at her soon-to-be husband. They exchanged vows, and enterlocked with one wild kiss in which he "accedentally" bit her tounge.
That very same night, he spoke to her softly. "I never found out what you do for a living." He said simply. She smiled light-heartedly, very proud of what she was.
"Oh... I am a writer. I am almost done with Eighth Grade Bites, the first book in my series."
His eyes grew wide and full of curiosity. "Eighth Grade...Bites?" He asked causiously.
Heather beamed.
"Its about vampires!"
He fell in love all over again (if that was possible) and supported her thoroughout all the hard writing times.
This is what has come to the woman called Heather Brewer. Its not that she is being held captive by an awful monster, rather, that splended man-vampire treats her like a princess. That is the only reason why she doesnt want to come out: Its better in there than out here.