5 Basic Rules (of doom)

(Did I mention that adding "of doom" to anything makes it sound cooler?)

I've received several emails recently from fledgling writers whose heads are all a-twitter with questions. Well...I'm not sure they're a-twitter, exactly. But they certainly are flailing about, so I thought I'd dedicate today's entry to newcomers to the industry.

There are certain things that one must know about the publishing industry...well, I suppose, you musn't know them if you don't plan on publishing. But as for the rest of us, there are (to begin with) five basic rules.

1) You need to edit. This process never ends. Be prepared to hack away at your darlings with brute force, only to hack away at their limbless torsos once again. Make sure you use active voice rather than passive. Eliminate excessive adverbs and purple prose. Check and recheck your spelling and punctuation. Delete scenes that don't move the story forward. And when you think you've perfected your literary masterpiece, think again. Go over it until you want to set the pages (or hard drive) aflame and then go over it a few more times. Editing=good.

2) You need an agent. Now, now...I can hear you grumbling and bemoaning that an agent is only there to take 15% of your money, but let me tell ya, minions, you're wrong. An agent is a lifesaver. They answer all of your stupid (and you will have them, stupid or not) questions; they walk you through the process and hold your hand; they get your manuscript under the noses of people you might not be able to reach otherwise. In short, an agent is a writer's best friend. Get one. (And don't forget to check them out on Preditors & Editors first--you should NEVER pay your agent a fee upfront. All their income comes from selling the book. They don't get their pennies until you get yours.)

3) You need drive. It's hard enough to force yourself to sit down every day and contribute words to your latest work-in-progress. But can you imagine the work that comes later, after your book has sold? You have to self-promote, to keep your name in the public eye, to hit the bookstores and spread the word. During which, of course, you'll have to work on your next fabulous book. Just thinking about what you need to do in order to nudge your book toward the hint of success can be daunting. Don't give up.

4) You need friends. And not just your everyday, I'm-meeting-Sally-at-Denny's-for-lunch-on-Tuesday friends. You need writer friends--people who know exactly what you're going through every step of the way and can offer both a shoulder and valuable advice when you need it. Non-writing friends are great, but they'll never really get it. Besides, who knows what excellent contacts your writer friends may provide. (Plus, it never hurts to have experienced critiquers in your corner.)

5) You need Diet Pepsi. Well, maybe you don't, but I do. Which leads us to the ~actual~ fifth rule...

5) You need to write. Plain & simple, kids. You need to sit your butt in that chair and force that creative ooze out of every pore. It doesn't matter if it's crap. It doesn't matter if it's ugly. Write, write, write some more...and then go back to number one.